For the first time in I don’t know how long I’m working on my laptop. I’m sitting here completing my portfolio for work and I think “what the hey lets have a look and see what I’ve done off my life list” and I realise its been nearly 3 years since I’ve visited here, since I’ve written. And then I realise just how much my life has changed in those three years and I am awed at the passing of time.
I am now no longer the mum of an about to be 1 year old I am the mum of an about to be 4 year old AND an about to be 2 year old!!! I have not one but two children a boy and a girl and I am blessed. They are happy, healthy and loving. Don’t get me wrong they are wee sh*tes when they want to be, they are stubborn, loud, opinionated, trying and unaware of the time and effort you give them each day. But they are also kind, polite, funny, intelligent, awe inspiring and beautiful in equal measures and I am thankful every day that I have them.
I am back at work pretty much full time now and am plagued with the eternal mum guilt alongside filled with joy that I do a job I generally love. But I am at a time in my life were i feel ambitious but I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know what I want to do in the future but at this point in time I know it’s not time for work it’s time for being there for my family and allowing everything else to just be.
I’m also in my thirties now (shock horror) and I don’t feel any different. Your age is just a number people. The only thing that has changed is now I like gin….a lot…..but i doubt there’s a direct correlation between loving gin and age.
My life has changed a lot in three years in small non-specific ways. I have kept all my good friends close and near my heart. I have coffee/cocktail/dinners/cinema dates with those close at hand, using every public holiday as an excuse to have a get together. For those further away we have whatsapp and facebook and epic weekends with too much corn smoked chicken and cocktails. I have kept my family close, gained a sister-in-law and am hopeful will gain another one soon and I hope in time we are lucky enough for cousins to be added to the fold. My friends are getting married, engaged, falling in love, having babies and allowing me to share at all times in their joy. I am still with the other half who keeps me grounded yet unexpectedly will lift me up with declarations of love or just a surprise chocolate bar here and there.
My life may not be exciting but while excitement is desirable it can not be sustained indefinitely. I am like everyone else I have times were I wish I could escape, be someone different, somewhere different doing something different. But that’s human nature is it not…if we didn’t have people who embraced this feeling nothing would change in this world, no advancements would be made, no groundbreaking achievements accomplished. However that is not me; I’m not a groundbreaker, a world changing. I am however the queen of my own world and that’s enough for me. I have stability, constant love, security and happiness and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Anyway enough philosophising for me before I get to heavy or deep. I will try to come back more often even just to record all the new things I have tried cooking or baking or the new books I’m reading (and maybe then I will stop reading romance novels I get for free off bookbub). Maybe I’ll just take a chance to be a bit more self aware and thankful who knows. Either way I am going to go do the thing I originally set out to do and see if I’ve achieved any of my life list in the time I’ve been away.